I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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