i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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