every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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