I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize