I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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