I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
