don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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