Nicole vs. Life
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
