??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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