There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
