Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
