clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
