I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize