Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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