Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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