it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
