i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
