apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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