opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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