When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
