and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
FUCK WHALES
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
