Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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