I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
