At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My dick has a subreddit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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