had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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