he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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