Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
