That's intense
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
