I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
