Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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