M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
