Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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