when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Everything about him screamed your future.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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