He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
