when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
