I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
