The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
