maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
