Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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