3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
