It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
