So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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