I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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