Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
