are you so shy because you have an std?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
