Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
