a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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