The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
