i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
