make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
