i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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