just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
