I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
