Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
