Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
