Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
