What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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