On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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