Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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