she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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