I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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