who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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