He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
