What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
