ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize