I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
