He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
