you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
