seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Damn victory sex feels great
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
