the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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