i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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