Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize