At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
