Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
