I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize