Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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